Recension: April i anhörigsverige av Susanna Alakoski

April i anhörigsverige

Susanna Alakoski
Albert Bonniers Förlag (2015)

Det här är en bok om alla som står bredvid. Som lider av anhörigoket. Det onämnbara, skamliga, det förfärligt fula och väldigt sorgsna. Susanna Alakoski berättar om hur det är att vara nära. Anhörig. En typ av funktionshinder. En social sjukdom.

Boken är en vandring i språket. In i språket och misären. Oron och ångesten. En författarens slitning mellan hopp och förtvivlan. Mellan böcker som borde skrivas. Och de som verkligen produceras. För hon har så mycket att berätta om hur det är ställt med Sverige idag. Hur det går för alla som delar ett utanförskap. De socialt sjuka. De som är anhöriga till någon som super. Någon som knarkar. Någon som äter tabletter. Till någon som blandar och häller i sej allt som de kan få tag på.

Hon skriver om att försöka förstå. Försöka tränga in. Men det går aldrig att tränga sig in hos en missbrukare. För de har ett alldeles eget stängt rum. Dit har bara drogerna tillträde. Och det är så plågsamt. Att vara utestängd.

Alla anhöriga vet hur det känns. Att umgås med ett skal. Som anhörig utvecklar man strategier för att klara av det. Man blir man ofta väldigt anpassningsbar. Läser av situationer blixtsnabbt. Ofta är det till synes duktiga och självgående barn som pysslar med sina påverkade föräldrar. Drar för gardiner. Skyler över. Packar sina egna matsäckar. Tänker ut sanningar som ska skydda föräldrar. Syskon som vaktar, stöttar, lånar ut pengar, tröstar, hotar och håller efter sina knarkande systrar och bröder, föräldrar och kärestor. Föräldrar som letar efter sina försvunna barn. Anhörigpinan. Skammen, den onda bojan.

Det handlar om alla dem som vinglar, stapplar, trippar och faller samman. Och alla de, som befunnit oss lite för nära dem som kryper, snubblar och rör sig ryckigt. Med de darrhänta som beställer in en stor stark istället för kaffe en tidig morgon på Centralen. Vi som är anhöriga. Vi som sett bröder digga låtar som ”Cocaine” ”Snowblind” och spela ”Thinnertrasan vandrar mellan husen”. Vi vars systrar är ”Lucy in the sky with diamonds”. Vi som levt med tomflaskor, pipor, brass, joint, kokain och tjack. Vi som är bekanta med ord och fraser som sil, krana, mecka, slå i sig, knapra, tripp, fludder, panna, bensodiazepiner och ordet banan i en annan bemärkelse än just banan. Den ska handla om oss som sett Nära&Kära slå i sig en fix för att orka fixa. Sett Nära&Kära sortera kryp på väggar och lägga patienser med rosa elefanter. Vi de anhöriga till de röd-hyade på föräldramötet, och sonens kompis, vars morsa ligger avsvimmad i hallen när han kommer hem från skolan. Denna bok ska handla om oss, som sett våra mödrar krampläsa ”Århundradets kärlekssaga”. Som varit barn till föräldrar som sett på oss med ömsom frost och spisvarmt töcken. Boken kommer att handla om oss som präglats av att dölja. Om oss som saknat ett verbalt språk att utgå från. Vi som blir över, som sedan lider av anhörigsorgen. Den obenämnbara, skamliga, den förfärligt fula.

Ännu en viktig och gripande bok av Susanna Alakoski. Som kanske kan göra anhörigbördan lite lättare att bära.

Beata Hansson

(KLASS nr 2-2015)

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