Novell: Resan till tidlösa brunn

Ur arkivet

Text: Agneta Thomasin Svensson  Illustration: Frida Söderberg

I personalrummet sa hon inte mycket. Redan första dagen satte Sandra sig på en stol längst in i rummet och tittade ner i en broschyr hon hittat på bordet. På den platsen blev hon kvar och det var helt frivilligt. Vad skulle hon säga dem? Vad hade de att prata om?  Ingenting, kändes det som. Hon handlade inte på rean. Hon planerade inte för Ullaredsresan. Hon planerade inte alls. Hon köpte överhuvudtaget ingenting som inte var absolut nödvändigt. Det hade hon inga pengar till.

När hyran för rummet var betald fanns det inte så mycket kvar av hennes lön. Timanställd, outbildad, ung. Hon jobbade de timmar hon fick. Hon var så glad att hon fått jobbet och hon älskade sitt jobb, sitt första jobb. Men det berättade hon inte för sina arbetskamrater. Det var inte sådant de pratade om över det brända kaffet.

Hon tog alla pass hon erbjöds. Hon gjorde allt de bad henne om. Så när de skickade henne till den minst omtyckta vårdtagaren sa hon ingenting annat än ja tack. Gnällkärringen, inte rolig alls, jaså, vad sa hon till dig? Gå och kom aldrig tillbaka? Har hon ringt till samordaren och klagat? Enhetschefen? Hade du gått fem minuter före tidens slut? Jaså, tio minuter sen? Igen? Man hinner ju inte, man hinner ju inte, men det bryr inte hon sig om. Aldrig ett ord till tack. Aldrig.

Men Sandra sa ja tack och fick därefter fasta timmar hos den blinda damen på Matrosgatan 25. En timme på morgonen och en timme på eftermiddagen.

– Jaså, du har precis flyttat till stan?

– Ja, sa flickan. Jag kommer från Tidlösa brunn, tillade hon med viss tvekan.

– Åh, Tidlösa brunn. Det är ett fint litet samhälle, en anrik kurort, så trevligt, sa tanten.

– Och det är bra om du dammar idag. Ja, damma måste man göra i stort sett varje dag. Det är bra om du gör det. Ingen fukt, enbart den mjuka trasan.

Det fanns många prydnadsföremål att damma. Urnor, figuriner, kristallskålar, tavelramar, vaser utan blommor och små virkade dukar under vart och ett av föremålen.

– Dukarna ska du skaka i fönstret där, sa tanten.

Och Sandra dammade och skakade, det blev en rutin, i stort sett varje dag. Det gick så snabbt, det var ingenting, tyckte hon. Det tyckte inte tant Agnes heller.

Agnes tjatade hela tiden på Sandra. Ta i hörnen. Lyft på mattan. Skaka överkastet. Stryk örngotten. Gå ner och mangla duken. Mangla! Sandra hade aldrig gjort det men kände ett lugn infinna sig, när hon stod och lät den elektriska mangeln rulla och rulla och kavla ut platta och blanka kökshanddukar och tunna vita lakan.

Hon var som i en bubbla så fort hon klev in genom dörren. Tant Agnes var krävande men hon lyssnade också. Hon ville så gärna höra Sandra berätta. Själv kunde hon inte se längre och hon kunde knappt gå.

– Ja, du är duktig du som vill arbeta och göra rätt för dig. Flytta ensam till en stor stad när du har det så bra där hemmavid. Tänk att det fortfarande finns fina ungdomar.

Sandra blev glad av hennes beröm. Uppmuntran, det var hon inte van vid. Så visst, klart att hon berättade lite om sig själv. Och tant Agnes berättade i sin tur om sig själv, inte så mycket dock. Sandra fick lägga ihop två och två.

Tant Agnes hade inga barn och bara några avlägsna släktingar. Hon var ganska ensam förutom någon gammal väninna som kom på besök. Agnes hade jobbat som hushållerska i en finare familj i den stora staden. En trotjänarinna. Fortfarande fanns de. Men nu var hon gammal, närmare nittio år och hennes yrkesverksamma tid låg trettio år tillbaka. Hennes pension var liten, men hon hade ett litet kapital som hon fått som gratifikation för lång och trogen tjänst hos den förmögna redarfamilj där hon tjänat. De hade kallat henne Puppe. Hon hette Agnes Andersson men det tyckte barnen i familjen var för jobbigt att säga. Och fröken Andersson som hon kallades i början blev snart för formellt. Nya tider tågade in men hennes tjänst bestod.

Så hon hade tillbringat hela sitt liv i kretsen av en stor, bullrig och förmögen familj. Följt begravningar och bröllop, dopkalas och bemärkelsedagar, långsemestrar och varje sommar flyttat med ut till Marstrand. Hon hade levt genom dem. Nu hade hon inte sett någon av dem sedan hon gick i pension och det var snart trettio år sedan. Nu var hon ensam och ensamheten åt upp henne och gjorde henne bitter. Men åh så roligt hon tyckte det var när flickan berättade.

– Ja, varje söndagkväll sitter vi i soffan tillsammans hela familjen och spelar bingolotto. Ibland lägger vi ett tusenbitarspussel, fast mina syskon tycker att det är lite tråkigt.

– Ja, jag åker hem varje ledig helg. Jag längtar efter mina småsyskon. Och det är så gott att äta mammas mat.

– Köttbullar förstås, sa tanten och myste.

– Ja, köttbullar, och spaghetti och köttfärssås.

Och Sandra berättade om pappan som tog med dem till simhallen så mamma kunde greja iordning maten i lugn och ro. Och hon berättade om mamma som jobbade deltid på ett äldreboende.

– Ja då förstår jag att du valt detta jobbet, sa Agnes. Du har fått det med dig hemifrån.

– Jo, sa Sandra.

– Men pappa har varit lite sjuk, fortsatte Sandra utan att blinka. Så vi har inte så mycket pengar.

– Pengar, sa Agnes. Det är inte pengar som räknas. Det är kärleken. Pengar och prylar och flotta semestrar och fint umgänge. Nej, det är inte det som räknas. Inte alls. Man ska ha varandra. Älska varandra och ta hand om varandra.

Sandra höll med. Hon höll verkligen med. Och Agnes kände hur ett stort tomrum öppnade sig inom henne när hon sa detta. Man ska ha varandra. Hon själv hade ingen. Ingen alls.

– Tänk, sa tant Agnes. Jag tror bestämt att du kommer från en riktigt bra familj. Ja, det är ofta det som avgör hur det ska gå för en här i livet.

De läste dikter. Agnes tyckte om Pär Lagerqvist och Sandra läste högt och tydligt dikten Solen löser sitt blonda hår. Den blinda damen satt i ljuset från det stora perspektivfönstret som vette mot parken och kammade sitt långa vita hår, klädd i en ljusblåblommig morgonrock. Sandra badade Agnes. Lite bökigt, men tanten var liten och vägde inte så mycket. Tånaglarna var buckliga och gula och fötterna hade knölar här och där. Agnes såg inte det själv, men Sandra föreslog fotvård. Fotvård är bra menade Sandra, där får man hjälp med sina fötter.

Sandra bakade till tant Agnes kaffekalas. Sockerkaka, det var inte så svårt. Och schackrutor som Agnes förklarade hur hon skulle göra. Vetebrödet sprang Sandra ner och köpte hos bagaren. Och Sandra stannade kvar efter arbetsdagens slut, putsade några kopparbunkar, gick över silverskedarna med en trasa och knäskurade i det lilla köket.

– Jag vet, ni får ju inte det, men det ska bli riktigt gjort, menade Agnes.

– Inga problem, sa Sandra.

– Och fönstren … sa Agnes och lät en outsagd fråga hänga i luften.

Men Sandra förstod.

– Inga problem, sa hon.

Hon kunde inte säga nej.

När kvällen kom satt hon ensam i sitt hyresrum. Rummet luktade gammal rök och sängen var nedlegad och madrassen fläckig. Hon ville inte gå ut i köket. Det fick hon, men där var så äckligt och hon var rädd för paret som bodde i lägenheten. Det märktes så tydligt att de inte ville hyra ut. Men de behövde väl pengarna, tänkte Sandra. Hon delade badrum och toalett med dem, men hon brukade passa på att gå på toa när hon kom till jobbet.

– Har du fått någon ordning på din nya lägenhet, undrade Agnes.

– Jodå, sa Sandra. Jag har lagt på en trasmatta och satt upp ett par vita gardiner i köket. Och så fick jag ett pelargonskott från mamma när jag var hemma sist och nu blommar den så fint i köksfönstret.

Agnes gladdes åt hemtrevnaden och Sandra såg hur glad Agnes blev när hon berättade. Agnes såg i sitt inre den välskurade lilla ettan där flickan bodde, en sådan bostad hon själv skulle velat ha när hon var ung. Det fick hon aldrig utan levde hela sitt liv i en jungfrukammare hos familjen Hammar. Tänk om hon ändå … ja, men hon fick sin lägenhet till sist, en plats där hon själv kunde bestämma och själv ha tillgång till både nycklar och elräkning. Men se den med egna ögon, det fick hon aldrig. Skuggor till en början, skymta ett fönster, en matta under salongsbordet, en urna på byrån. Men de skuggorna var snart borta, de också. Nu rådde mörker och en tillvaro där hon trevade sig fram.

Men så roligt med flickan. Hon var en ljuspunkt och Agnes plockade fram en broderad kudde från garderoben och tyckte att Sandra skulle ha den i sitt nya hem.

– Den kommer att bli så fin på det vita överkastet, sa Agnes.

Sandra visste att de inte fick ta emot presenter men hon kunde inte förmå sig att tacka nej.

– Tänk om jag kunde få se hur fint du har det, sa Agnes.

– Jag har nog inte fått riktig ordning än, svarade Sandra undvikande och hon fortsatte hitta på undanflykter.

– Nej, till helgen ska jag åka hem.

– Nej, på tisdag ska jag jobba kvällen också.

Sandra visste att hon måste säja nej och avstyra detta besök. Hon kom med nya undanflykter. Sedan ville Agnes så gärna komma ut på en liten resa. Hon ville resa till den ort som Sandra kom ifrån. Det vore så roligt, tyckte Agnes. Ett sådant fint litet samhälle. En gammal kurort. En sådan vacker park.

Sandra visste inte hur hon skulle ställa sig. Men Agnes insisterade och menade att det bara var över dagen och att det var självklart att Sandra skulle följa med och att hon inte skulle tänka på några kostnader för Agnes skulle betala hela resan.

– Det är det minsta jag kan göra, sa Agnes.

Sandra fick snällt beställa riksfärdtjänst och resan till Tidlösa brunn var ett faktum.

Det var en varm dag i slutet av maj som de klev ur taxin vid det gulmålade gamla kurortshotellet med glasveranda och snickarglädje. Matsalen var dukad med vita linnedukar och där stod ett bord för två och väntade på dem. Härinne hade Sandra aldrig varit och hon njöt av lugnet, den goda maten och av blomsterdekorationerna. Efter kaffet och desserten ville Agnes gå en liten promenad i parken. Sandra ledde tant Agnes vid armen, solen sken och värmen var nästan tryckande förutom några lätta brisar emellanåt.

Då hörde Sandra fylleskrål från en bänk i ett skuggigt och avlägset hörn av parken. En gapig kvinnoröst skar genom syren och kastanjeblomsdoft och det var en röst som Sandra hade hört till leda. Sandra kisade bort mot bänken, där satt några fyllon och bland dem såg hon två välbekanta silhuetter och hon blev alldeles kall.

– Kom Agnes, sa hon och försökte gå åt ett annat håll.

Men ur skuggorna reste sig en man och en kvinna upp från bänken och nu raglade de framåt rakt emot Sandra och Agnes.

– Sandra, flåsade kvinnan.

– Ropar någon på dig, undrade Agnes.

– Nej, nej, sa Sandra och hon kände paniken stiga.

Mamma och pappa. Inte nu, inte nu. Inte här. Inte med tant Agnes. Jag skulle aldrig gått med på att resa hit, tänkte Sandra. Men paret hade snart kryssat sig fram och nu stod de och vinglade med stinkande andedräkter och kisslukt i kläderna och andades häftigt på tant Agnes.

– Sandra, ge mamma en kram, sluddrade kvinnan.

– Varför har du inte hört av dig? Du kan ju inte bara försvinna sådär. Svara, säger jag till dig. Visa respekt för din far, för fan, sa mannen.

– Socialen tog dina småsyskon, snyftade Sandras mamma.

– Ja, när du försvann så. Mamma är ju sjuk. Hon kan inte se efter dem, det var ju ditt jobb, sluddrade pappan.

– Sandra, hur kunde du göra så? Bara lämna oss? Vi är ju dina föräldrar, sa mamman och nu lät hon arg.

– Förstår du hur otacksam våran Sandra är, sa pappan upprört till tant Agnes.

Sandra kunde inte förmå sig att säga något till sitt försvar. Och Agnes bara lyssnade.

Sandra hade ljugit för henne. Flickan var en lögnare. Otacksam, ja, kanske det, tänkte Agnes.

– Nu går vi Sandra. Skynda dig, taxin kommer snart, sa Agnes.

Men mamman tog tag i Sandra.

– Du stannar här.

– Släpp mig, sa Sandra. Låt mig vara.

Lättad såg Sandra att taxin kört fram och hon flydde in i baksätet samtidigt som chauffören hjälpte Agnes att ta på sig säkerhetsbältet. Det var tyst i bilen hela vägen hem. Sandra sa inte ett ord. Skammen var tung och tankarna malde. Hon förstod att nu måste hon säga upp sig och byta jobb. Hon kunde aldrig mer gå till tant Agnes. Hon hade ljugit henne full. Låtsats att hon var bättre än hon var. Att hon var en annan.

Taxin körde in bakom bommarna på Matrosgatan och stannade nästan ända framme vid porten. Sandra följde Agnes upp i hissen till fjärde våningen och hon kunde nästan inte andas i det trånga utrymmet. Hon kunde inte prata och sa ingenting. Nu var det slut. Hon fick söka nytt jobb. Hon satte nyckeln i låset och ledde in den gamla damen. Agnes andades tungt. Det hade varit en ansträngande dag. Visst hade flickan ljugit, men på något konstigt sätt kände hon sig medskyldig. Hon tog hastigt tag i flickans arm och höll den i stadigt grepp. Hon lade sin hand på Sandras hand.

– Du skulle sagt som det var, sa hon. Nu ses vi som vanligt imorgon. Vi ska sätta en vetedeg, så kom i tid!

Sandra tänkte att hon alltid kom i tid men mumlade bara hej då. Vi ses i morgon!

 

 

ur arkivet Tidskriften KLASS nr 2-2016

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