Novell: Victor Estby- En dag i livet

Ur arkivet. Nr 4-2015.

Det är en riktig skitmorgon, och värre ska det bli. Familjen väller över alla bräddar, böljar fram och tillbaka genom trerumslägenheten vid Hägerstensvägen. Pappa Tony har suttit uppe hela natten med ritningarna till sin första dragning för en av arkitektfirmans storkunder. Mångmiljonkontrakt. Spejsat huvudkontor för ett nytt advokatkontor norr om stan. Mamma Carmen har sett honom från sidan och underifrån hela processen igenom, under alla dagar, veckor, månader. Hur han gjort om vardagsrummet till arbetsrum och stängt in sig, låtit sonen och dottern be om lov när de velat titta på Bolibompa på storbildsteven.

Han är på väg att göra klassresan hon själv aldrig kommer att göra. Han har förändrats efter högskoleutbildningen. Bytt Dressmannskjortorna mot bländande vita från butiker på Östermalm. Han som aldrig brytt sig om kläder, men han måste hänga på, smälta in, som han säger. Hon måste ju förstå att han gör det här för hennes, för barnens, för allas deras skull. De vill väl inte bo kvar i en trea i Aspudden hela livet? Herregud, de är ju uppväxta på landet, i hus, båda två, han i norra Värmland och hon utanför Hjo. Det unnar hon väl barnen också? Hon vill väl inte stå still, eller hur? Fast det var han som ville hit, satte igång hela helvetet med hyressidornas gröna och gula pluppar och hon fick slutföra. Och nu har hon nickat, tagit hand om barnen, sett till att de inte stört honom i hans viktiga arbete. Hållit ner skriken och skratten, bråken, fått dem att prata med små bokstäver. Lämnat och hämtat på dagis på väg till och från jobbet på servicehuset. Hållit ihop, tröstat, plåstrat, duschat, borstat tänder, lagat mat, diskat, nattat, städat och plockat och planerat för familjen och vardagen, livet.

Och den här torsdagsmorgonen i början av juni har femåriga dotterns tålamod rämnat och hon har ritat gröna och blå tuschhjärtan över alla pappas ritningar. Carmen har bannat, för att hon förväntas göra det. Tony har, grå i ansiktet av sömnbrist och för många koppar kaffe, i rena vansinnet vräkt alla barnens Barbiedockor och Xbox-spel i sopnedkastet och brakat tillbaka in i hallen och skällt ut hela familjen. Dottern och sonen darrar och gråter. Och då brister det för Carmen och hon säger att nu är det jävlarimignog. Drämmer näven i hallbordet så att porslinslampan med handmålade rosor, enda minnet av mormor i Cordoba, välter i golvet och spricker. Vilket får barnen att gråta ännu högre. Surkärringen i lägenheten under knackar i golvet. En porslinsflisa skvätter iväg och river upp ett sår på Tonys kind. Han svär, sliter åt sig en sudd hushållspapper, förstår att han måste skita i det här för att komma i tid till dragningen på firman, häver på sig den till dagen nyköpta Armanikavajen, rullar ihop de överklottrade ritningarna i pappröret, kör in dem under armen och sveper ut genom dörren och nerför trapporna.

Carmen ser genom fönstret hur han skyndar mot tunnelbanan och hans ryggtavla viker in på Erik Segersälls väg, vacklar till vid det överfulla stället utanför cykelbutiken, tappar papperstussen, river upp den från backen igen och försvinna genom lindallén. Hon tycker om att se efter honom, eftersom hon vet att han alltid kommer tillbaka.

Medan hon tröstar barnen färdigt och tänker att det här bara är en dag i livet har Tony hunnit till Liljeholmen. När Carmen plockar upp resterna av den trasiga lampan är han i tunneln mellan Hornstull och Zinkensdamm, hans kind har slutat blöda och hushållspappret åker ner i kavajfickan. Samtidigt brister den uppsvullnade artären, aneurysmen – ingen av dem känt till – i Tonys hjärna. När hon tar itu med morgondisken har hans haka fallit ner mot bröstet och huvudet lutar mot väggen. Ritningsrullen vilar tryggt kvar under armen. När hon krånglar på barnen jeansjackor och skor har tunnelbanan nått Ropsten, där alla strömmar ur tåget utom Tony, som ingen vill störa, han verkar sova så gott så det kan han nog behöva. Säkert småbarnsförälder, konstaterar två äldre damer och ler mot varandra.

Snart är sonen och dottern på dagis och Carmen på servicehuset och på väg till första gamlingen, enögda Iris, med chefens son i släptåg. Jojje är ögonbryns- och underläppspiercad, arton, skoltrött, och gör sin första dag på sommarjobbet. På morgonen har någon rivit ner Din mamma jobbar inte här-lappen i personalens pentry och kaffekopparnas och smörgåsfatens staplar vinglar högre än vanligt i diskhon.

Medan Carmen knackar på och öppnar Iris dörr är Tonys döda kropp i Sätra och på väg åt Ropstenshållet igen.

Som vanligt ropar Iris sitt vemärdet och Carmen svarar och förnimmer varje gång vinddraget från äggkastrullen som svepte förbi tinningen vid första besöket, när det gått upp för Iris att Carmen är svart i håret. Men hon har vanan, har fått det här att fungera, som allt annat. Hon är bra på sitt jobb, kanske till och med oumbärlig. Redan första gången fick hon lov att tvätta Iris öga, även om det andra gråstarrsgrumliga ögat letade i det 300-wattiga sänglampsskenet över det tvättade porslinet efter svarta fingeravtryck innan porslinsögat kunde stoppas in igen.

Nu behöver Iris toahink tömmas och Carmen skickar ut Jojje i badrummet med den medan hon tvättar ögat, det vågar hon inte överlåta åt tonåringen. Hon sitter på sängkanten och putsar med universalvätska medan Iris berättar om sin tid på gamla Postgirot vid Drottninggatan med Pater Noster-hissar. Jojje kommer tillbaka, grådaskig med tömd hink. Första uppdraget i den kommunala hemtjänsten avklarad, tänker Carmen. Kanske kan det ändå bli något av pojkkraken.

– Jojje? Georg egentligen? säger Iris. Vad är det du har i ansiktet? Har du gjort dig illa på något vis?

Och Jojje höjer blicken. Den fastnar vid den tomma, blekröda ögonhålan som stirrar på honom och väntar svar. Carmen ser hans pupiller försvinna upp i skallen och hinner inte från sängen för att ta emot när han stupar i golvet så att det rasslar i ansiktsringarna.

Enögda Iris blir den första och sista gamling Jojje besöker i sin korta karriär som vårdbiträde i Stockholms stads äldrevård. Carmen får bära ut ynglingen i personalens vilrum och ringa på hans mamma. När en chef rödblossig av lika delar genans och ilska sänder ut Carmen medan bannorna haglar över sonen på britsen har Tonys kropp för tredje gången den här morgonen passerat Gärdet och rasat ner i knäet på en tjugoårig kvinna från Hagfors som är på väg till arbetsförmedlingen vid Tunnelgatan.

När Carmen står på personalens rökbalkong i den ljumma sommaren med förmiddagens andra kaffekopp med mjölk och tänker att snart står Tony med sitt lyckliga, lite ångerfulla flin i hallen när hon och barnen kommer hem, har tunnelbanetåget utrymts vid Karlaplan och polisen är på plats. När hon tänker att hon vet att han kommer att ha tagit hem kontraktet, att han är bra på vad han gör, är dödsfallet konstaterat och Tonys identitet fastställd. När Carmen sluter ögonen och känner doften av Tonys inhandlade vinröda rosor på köksbordet är en polisinspektör och en assistent på väg i bil till servicehuset med dödsbudet. När hon ser Tony klappa på porslinslampan som kommer att stå hoplimmad på hallbordet och lysa med sitt förlägna sken parkerar poliserna bilen vid servicehusets uppfart. När de går med invanda dödsbudssteg in genom entrén, och inspektören som vanligt lögnaktigt mumlar till assistenten att det här bara är en dag i livet, har Carmen slutat drömma om semesterresan till Medelhavet familjen snart ska göra. Tonys kontrakt kommer att betyda en ekonomisk förändring, tänker hon och ler medan hon spolar upp vatten i personalpentryts diskho. Hon anar att dörren till personalrummet öppnas, en vind utifrån rycker i en hårlock. Så ringlar hon citrondiskmedel i vattnet och lyfter den första kafferandiga ikea-koppen och diskborsten. Nu kan man ju sätta upp Din mamma jobbar inte här-lappen igen, tänker hon och ler när någon harklar sig bakom henne och hon vänder sig om.

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